Burnout, Boundaries & Boobs
Have you ever noticed how slow time really goes and how long the days really are, nope neither had I until very recently amid the weirdness of the world we find ourselves navigating.
Prior to pausing; my days would start at 4.30am and I'd be 5 coffees deep by 9am, wake, coffee, clients, coffee, school lunch boxes, coffee, school drop off, coffee, clients, coffee. Repeat a cycle of irritability, diarrhoea, terrible sleep patterns, heightened cortisol, high highs and crashing lows. No Sparking joy and a never ending cycle of being wired. I never switched off. Kids, Work, Train, Study, Clean, Cook, remember to breathe and occasionally wash my hair; REPEAT.
If you haven't guessed by now I ere on the side of being an introvert and self proclaimed socially adept, I'd rather have my head in a book or being in the middle of the bush than navigating tricky social interactions and outside 'noise' bye unproductive time on socials... Side note the word TRICKY is quite possibily the most wonderful term ever coined in my humble opinion.
But don't / didn't you run your own Personal Training Business - how does that work? Glad you asked..whilst yes its been a work in progress I actually love helping people in this context, im extremely passionate and for me training clients is definitely a massive creative outlet and also fullfils my basic human need of connection. So in a nutshell without leaving my house I could contribute to society, have meanginful connections and be back in pjs in 2 minutes to retreat - brilliant.
The conundrum I am faced with however is that im forever at work and im forever at home, some may say it sounds wonderful however for me it has definitely caused some angst. I think as a working parent balance and boundaries for on / off time is definitely skewed and more over as a woman, much to our detriment, our ability to take on more then we can handle, sadly busy becomes our default operating system.
Im currently evaluating risk, versus reward and what time away from busy has shown me is how non present I had been showing up, whilst on the outside I seem very good at the juggle on the inside emotionally, physically and god forbid hormonally - insert one big boob - hormones are a serious bitch, I digress and thank fully have the most brilliant Naturopath on myside to know this too shall pass. (hopefully soonish...WTAF)
Until I can show up in person you'll find me here...and in closing on today's thoughts im holding space and giving myself and my one big boob permission to be mediocre, and well lets just say I kind of like it.
As I tell my wonderful husband, the world needs mediocre people too..
Be well x
Image by Natalie Davies Photography
Naturopath Rebecca Horn
Resources - Book
Why You're Depressed and How to Find Hope
Author: Johann Hari
Side note.. im not depressed for those wondering, just 100% curious and love a good book with research and good finding.